


Tourist Revenue

by HostisHumaniGeneris



Category: Original Work
Genre: Corrupt Bureaucrats, Crack, Ghosts, Monsters, Other, Parody, Trick or Treat: Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-07-28 23:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16251905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HostisHumaniGeneris/pseuds/HostisHumaniGeneris
Summary: Gull Cove is a quiet, friendly town.  It takes pride in its beaches, and no way, no how are they unsafe.  Mayor Kevin Green is so sure of that, he will keep them open no matter what the so-called experts say in the matter





	Tourist Revenue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [syrupwit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/syrupwit/gifts).



Mayor Kevin Green sat at his desk, focusing on the game of solitaire on his desktop, rather than on Police Chief Colton, and the scruffy looking young man behind her, and the grizzled old sea salt behind him.  The Chief was rambling on and on about the Yeager’s daughter, an unfortunate accident to be sure, but tragedies often befell youths who got drunk.  She got out in the water, further than her friends, and was struck by a boat.  Maybe a criminal matter, to be sure, but no reason to close the beaches.  “Listen, Chief, I get that you want to be careful, but you gotta remember, Gull Cove is a beach town.  You can’t shut down the beaches without shutting down the entire town, and I can’t allow you to do that over a boating accident.”

“This was no boating accident!” The Scruffy Looking man said.  “I told you in my report, the bite pattern is consistent with Carcharodon carcharias.”

“Carcareadunn what?”

“A great white shark.” Chief Colton said, leaning forward.  There was something strangely familiar with this scenario, but Mayor Green couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“Oh, I’ve seen documentaries.  The Yeager Girl probably looked like a seal to the fish—and that’s not for repeating to her parents, took a bite, and then wandered off.” Mayor Green said.  “Tell me, mister…”

“Berryhill.” The scruffy man said, with an exasperated tone saying this wasn’t the first time he’d introduced himself to the mayor today.  “I’m a marine biologist, with the Monterey bay aquarium.”

“Yes, tell me, don’t _falling vending machines_ kill more people per year than sharks?”

“That’s not the point, your honor.” Colton said.  “A girl got killed by a shark, and I think the public has a right to…”

"I seen 'im, yer honor!" Robertson, the crusty old fisherman growled. "I been fishin' all me life, and I seen him, and I know. This one... he ain't after no seals. Wants the kinda meat that 'as no business in the water. People. Now you need to close them there beaches and deal with the fish!"

Both Colton and Berryhill nodded.

“The public needs those beaches to stay open.  And if you tell them there’s a shark out there, you might as well put a barbed wire fence at the high-tide line, nobody’s going in the water.” Mayor Green said.  Closed beaches meant beachfront restaurants being unable to cater to beachgoers.  They meant that the hotels would book less rooms.  They meant that there’d be less money going into his re-election fund.  “So you better keep quiet, Chief, or you should turn in your badge.”

* * *

As if Colton and the marine biologist weren’t bad enough, Mayor Green’s next appointment was with some State Environmental Conservation jackass, or ‘official’ as was proper terminology.  Doctor Cosette Dupree showed up with charts and graphs, which Mayor Green was too busy trying to decide which Black Queen he wanted to place the Jack of Hearts on. 

“…And as you can see, the _Wharf Rat_ was fishing in just these waters.” Doctor Dupree said, indicating a place on the map of the beach by tapping it with a pointer until Mayor Green looked at it.  She tilted her head towards her chart, like it was supposed to mean anything, then then repeated “These waters.”

“Those waters…” Mayor Green repeated trailing off.

“The ones right where the Chemicron Factory runoff is?  Where they were dumping up to thirty-times the legal maximums for benzene, amines… and did I mention I had a Geiger counter go off while testing the water?” Cosette said, annoyed.  “They aren’t even supposed to be handling radioactive materials!  We need to shut them down, now.”

“Miss Dupree…”

“Doctor.”

“Doctor Dupree, Chemicron is one of this towns biggest employers.  I’d be derelict in my duties if I shut them down because their pipes are a little dirtier than some pencil pusher in D.C.’s idea of safe is.” Mayor Green left out he fact that Chemicron was, through various PACs, also his biggest campaign donor.  What was a little benzene in the water compared to an empty war chest?  They’d be fine.

“They’re pumping out massive amounts of mutagens into the ocean!” Dupree replied, holding up a jar with something that looked like a melted hunk of plastic.

“What is that?”

“Larval horseshoe crab.” Dupree replied, swiftly adding “Or at least, mostly.  We did some genetic testing of the few surviving horseshoe crabs we could find--dead ones have been washing up for months—and their DNA is weird.”

“Weird?” Mayor Green said, scowling as he realized he had run out of moves, again.  He restarted his game.  “That a scientific term.”

“There’s _human_ DNA in these arthropods.” Dupree replied.  “And the people aboard the trawler were maimed… it was almost like the claws of a horseshoe crab. A _Six-Foot_ Horseshoe Crab.”

She continued to ramble, but Green had filtered her out, laser-focusing on the game of solitaire he was playing.  When she suggested closing the beaches, both based off of the toxins and her preposterous crabman idea, the mayor kindly asked her to take her crazy and get the fuck out of his office.

* * *

The town historian came to visit, trailed by some high-school age woman in all black with fishnets.  Old Jeremiah Jeffries loved Gull Cove, knew almost everything about it.  Of particular note this ramble session was the wreck of the _Regal Tide_ , a genuine pirate ship from the Golden Age of Piracy, captained by Eddard O’leary, more famously known as Hangin’ Leary.

Divers had recently discovered the wreck off the coast from Dolphin Point, which could maybe lead to tourist revenue for the town.  However, apparently the wreck had been disturbed after the initial discover, as a hole was put through the rotting oak, right about where the ship’s hold was.  Jeffries mentioned that the _Tide_ was supposed to have sank with a load gold stolen from Spanish Galleons, said gold was looted from the Incans and allegedly cursed, and when the Armada finally caught up with O’Leary he went down with his ship, swearing that if he could not have his cursed Incan Gold, nobody could.  That hold appeared surreptitiously emptied of maybe a large wooden chest when the divers returned

What Jeffries didn’t know was that Mayor Green was an accomplished scuba diver.  He, Councilman Ross, and Chemicron’s regional manager had a night dive right when those divers who found the wreck called it in and before anyone else could take a look. Gold was heavy, but worth it.

The girl, Sadie was her name, said she could feel that everyone near the water was in danger until Hangin’ Leary’s treasure was returned to the depths. The mayor vaguely recalled hearing about some creepy goth teen warning some Chemicron engineers about something or other a few weeks back, and when he asked Sadie replied that it was her. She just had a feeling, and had to warn people. There was danger in the waters off of Gull Cove.  Like that longshoreman found strung up with his own entrails around this neck—the Mayor guffawed, that was obviously a suicide.  He asked them to get the fuck out  after Jeffries stated for safety’s sake, they should close the beaches.

* * *

As if the constant barrage of annoyances was not enough, it started raining, hard by lunch.  By the time Mayor Green decided to call it a day; two-thirty, the rain was persistent, never ceasing.  As he drove to his house on the outskirts of town, something ran across the road; and the car hydroplaned on the wet road and came to a dead stop against something _solid_.

Swearing, Green got out of his SUV and circled around, trying to dial up AAA to deal with this what he expected to be a really dumb deer.  Instead, way too many insectlike legs waved up at him feeble.  The thing was almost-horsehoe shaped mass of claws and pinchers and _was that a mouth?_

The thing flailed and thrashed until somehow the long, straight tail found purchase against the pavement and it rolled over.  And then _stood up_ , looming over him.  “Keh-muh-krron.  Wunzzz a mah-maaaaan.”

As the thing took a step forward, Mayor Green took a step back.  And froze when a booming voice called out from behind him.  “Back off, ye shellfish!  This scallawag owes me.”

Mayor Green wheeled around, seeing a man in a pirate costume.  A glowing man in a pirate costume.  A glowing man in a pirate costume floating above the wet pavement.  He leveled his cutlass at the Mayor.  “Ye be a civil servant, right lad?  Well… ye can serve me by tellin’ me what you did with me Incan Gold!”

* * *

Sadie looked out the window of the Yeager’s café, at the road.  She and Mister Jeffries came here after meeting the mayor.  It was disheartening.  She was used to people dismissing her feelings, even if they were never wrong, but this was the first time lives were on the line. 

Mister Jeffries handed her a cup of Coffee.  “Did your best, kid.”

“I just, the Mayor… like shouldn’t finding out who took the gold…” She began, before getting cut off.

“Green?  Betcha he stole it.” It was Chief Colton, approaching her table.  Someone who looked like a very trendy hobo followed her  “Him and his country club buddies are my prime suspects, of course, I don’t have enough evidence after the one witness who offered me information disappeared… last seen at his job at Chemicron.”

“Chemicron?” A woman with glasses approached.  “Totally doing illegal dumping.  God damn the red tape on this… Chief, could you like arrest them for…”

And then there was a crash. 

Everyone went to the window to see Mayor Green’s expensive SUV totaled, front caved in.  The mayor got out, and then something _materialized_ behind him.  The hobo asked “Is that a ghost pirate?  And a giant Limulus Polyphemus?”

“Horseshoe crab?”  The glasses woman said, and she and the hobo hit it off talking about marine life. 

Sadie looked at the grim spectre of Hangin’ Leary and the giant bug-man-thing menacing Mayor Green.  He probably deserved this, but at the same time… “Should we help him?”

Chief Colton took a sip.  “Nah.  He can take care of himself.”

At that, Mayor Green took off running, trying to vault over a roadside barrier… the one separating the road from the drop into the surf.  A twenty-five foot Great White shark rushed up to meet him, jaws wide open.

“AVAST YE TOOTHY BASTARD!  I NEEDS HIM TO FIND ME BOOTY!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have watched a lot of b-grade horror flicks with this premise, with all manner of marine life (including way too many sharks when literally _Jaws_ did this trope and shark movies best the first time around), horrible experimental mutants, and supernatural evils. So I had to jam all three together.


End file.
